Hoping for Mistakes...

**As you read this post, realize it's coming from me, and imperfect soul, in no way chosen to represent anyone in any way. I'm simply writing what I've felt and have tried to do it with the utmost compassion and understanding.



As I've been waiting for this little guy to make his appearance in the world I've been pondering some of the things I've actually been pondering since we first found out we had been chosen by a birthmother. A friend of mine who had adopted once said she always felt so bad hoping that some girl somewhere would make such a big mistake in her life so that she (my friend) could benefit by it. I'd always sympathized with that statement, but it never set well with me.

I'm not sure what about it was off for me, but it just didn't ring true in my heart. As this process has unfolded and as we've gotten to know our birthmother (again, we'll call her Heather) and her situation, I've felt more and more like these situations don't happen by accident or mistake.

Since my own experience is what I know best, let's examine a couple of interesting coincidences:

Heather is 19. With the exception of her looks, she's me, ten years younger. Very similar interests, quirks, personalities, taste in music and movies, sarcasm, etc...even down to the way we like our spaghetti...without sauce - just butter and salt (or parmesan). Heather herself said that her situation was so out of her character. The father was not a boyfriend or anyone special, it was just one of those stupid moments where our judgement is so off and we allow ourselves to be in situations we know we should run from (this does not excuse what we know are serious mistakes, I'm just laying things out as they are, with compassion as a fellow human being who is in no way perfect). They used protection and she was on birth control. She even used the morning after pill. So when she discovered that she was pregant she knew this baby was supposed to be here. But she also felt that it was not hers and has since felt strongly as though this were a surrogate pregnancy.

Now, let's re-cap our own situation. Matt and I have been unsuccessful at having another child for over 3 years. We've been tested and tried multiple "fixes" but everything has come out with the result that there's nothing "wrong" with either of us, there's no reason we shouldn't be able to have a child, it's just not happening. We had two options (as finances dictated that we could only pursue one): we could look into greater medical intervention, or we could look into adoption. We decided to check out adoption, since gathering information at that point was free. I didn't expect it to be the answer. But it was. It wasn't long before we knew deep down that this was what we were supposed to do. Now.

What we know: the Lord did not send us here to earth to chillax on the beach and live our lives from one tasty treat to the next. We knew that before we even got here. We were here to be tested, strengthened, to learn how to be happy...and that doesn't happen by lounging around. We were going to face trials, obstacles, temptations, disappointments, anguish, and fear. But we knew that it would all lead to greater joy, happiness, love and peace than we could ever imagine. It is also believed that we knew many of the things we would face before we came, that we agreed to and in some cases even chose the trials we would endure - I like to think of them as our personal missions.

So when I add these elements together, I am apt to believe that there is a little more to it than a coincidental mistake with a coincidental solution. Here's what I think (take all things with a grain of salt, allowing for differences in situation, knowing that this is all "from the Book of Monica"...): the Lord knew we, as imperfect mortals, would succumb to temptations, we would make mistakes. His plan reaches farther than simply repentance and forgiveness, He's also made it possible to turn mistakes and trials into blessings, if we have the courage to go through with it.

As I've traveled this road I've felt a connection with Heather unlike others I've known. It's as though she and I knew long before we came to this earth that our lives would be dependent on the other's in bringing forth the blessings we needed. Like we'd each agreed to take on the trial that would ultimately bless the other. In our case, we would take on the trial and challenge of infertility; the emotional torture that goes along with it, the heartache, the hopelessness, the confusion, and anger and do our best to listen to the Spirit to be guided to her. She, in turn, would take on the incredible trial of making a serious mistake, going through heart wrenching repentance, and then making a sacrifice few are strong enough or courageous enough to endure, by selflessly giving this child what she physically could not provide at the time he came into the world. We knew we would find each other. We knew we would be the hope for the other. And we knew that each of our lives would be greatly blessed by the other's help in "solving" our individual situation.

That, to me, does not feel coincidental. Nor does it feel as though I'm hoping for someone out there to make a big mistake so I can benefit. We started on this adoptive road feeling like we had to "market" ourselves and make our profile perfect to lure in a birthmother to be chosen....but it wasn't long into things when we discovered that's not at all what it was about. This was not a random operation. It didn't matter how pretty we were, how organized our thoughts were, or how perfect our profile was. The child that was supposed to be in our home and lives was a specific being and the Lord would guide that birthmother to us, and us to her. We just had to have faith and let the Lord do what He needed to do to align our lives at the right moment. It's waiting for that moment that is hard, not finding the right child. There it is again: patience.

Maybe it all sounds really childish, a wishful, happy clean-up party in what's ultimately a chaotic mess of a world, and perhaps it is. But a mindful Father in Heaven who pieces the events of our lives together with great delicacy and intention seems to ring a little more true to me than one who throws his hand in the air and says, "Woohoo! How convenient was that?!? Bonus!"

I dunno...